So I made it. I graduated college and moved on to graduate school. I'm at Illinois State University in the School of Communication and my focus is in Interpersonal Communication. I love it truly, yet there are some things I'm having trouble with. My living conditions for one. I decided to room with an aquaintance of mine from my undergrad and life with her is...not up to par. But that's not where I want to take this story.
I want to talk about life. How it takes you from one place to the next with no signpost. It blows my mind when I think about the past. I'd never expected to end up where I am today. At this very moment I'm sitting in my apartment, my roomate gone for the weekend- thank God - listening to music and talking on aim to a complete stranger I met on hotornot.com. Lame? Yeah, pretty much. Plus I've been drinking Tequilla - Jose Cuervo - and that make sany lame time a bit more lively. Yep.
I'm turning 24 next week. I love birthdays. Especially in October. The air is crisp and the leaves are beginning to change...as I am in a way. Yet this particular autum, I hate. I often find my thoughts drift to my original plans of how this year should have played out. I had intended to marry someone, but when we broke up I figured, "Well, if I'm not gonna get married the fall after I graduate college, might as well continue!"
I just wish things weren't so hard here. It's hard being away from my family and friends and everything familiar. But c'est la vie, no?
I try to keep up the faith and tell myself God will get me through this. But it gets hard - keeping up the faith. I have made no real friends here and the guy I'm seeing really isn't worth my time. I can tell he's using me too. And the girl who used to care just doesn't. I'm looking for that someone who can make me care again. Someone to revive my spirit. Bring me to life. For now I'm just going through the motions and it's almost ironic. I left "normal" to come to Normal, IL. In one of my classes at GSU, my prof said,
"May we never become too comfortable that we stop living and merely start existing."
So I figured I'd shake it up and take a chance. Take a risk. And so far it has proven fruitless. But I sincerely believe everything happens for a reason. I only applied ot one graduate school and I just knew I'd get in here. Assistantship and everything. And I love my assistantship here. I teach COM110 to incoming freshman and my class is a great group of kids.
There must be something I'm missing. Something great that I'm just not noticing because I'm focusing too much on the negative. I'm not sure. But maybe, as the weather turns and the days shorten, I'll see this place in a whole new light...
